Somewhere on the internet, lost in the atmosphere of all of its matter and spirit, is a witty take on the ineptitude of Jeff Weaver this season. It took me quite some time to write, and was probably my best effort in some time.

And one of two things happened to that story:

1) Due to an incredibly unlikely series of technological dominoes, it was accidentally deleted from several sources, or
2) Jeff Weaver is much better hacker than he is a pitcher, and he killed it.

I'm gonna go with option two right now, because otherwise I might pick up my laptop and throw it through the monitor of my desktop. But just so that not everything is lost, let me sum up the point to you, dear reader:

Jeff Weaver is unbelievably bad.
He can not last in the Seattle rotation.
Said rotation is already held together with paper clips and bubble gum.
Cha Seung Baek is not the answer.
Jake Woods is not the answer.
Brandon Morrow might be the answer.
We will more than likely find out soon.

I am off to meditate.